Another post on Facebook of a pregnancy announcement! You like and comment ‘congrats!’ and continue to go about your day. But you don’t go about your day, you think about it and wonder why can she get pregnant, but not me?
James and I have been trying to have a baby for 5 months now. I know it is nowhere near being considered as infertile, nor is this post about that. This is about facing that disappointment, month after month, that this was not the month of conception. James and I waited for almost a year before getting my birth control removed. We wanted to wait because we were in college and did not have full time jobs; we knew we wanted a steadier environment before bringing in a new addition to our family. When we got news James got this job in Colorado, we immediately scheduled an appointment to get the birth control removed. (I had Nexplanon, the implant in your arm. One word, ouch!) We felt such excitement and happiness at the thought of having a baby, because everything was going the way we wanted! We were smart and waited till we had a stable household, why wouldn’t it happen soon, we did everything right! Our family was going to grow, and we were going to be parents!
But, here we are 5 months later, still no luck. I have had a few break down moments where I just sob to Jim and ask “why not me?” One of my close friends who has been trying about the same length as I have is now pregnant and this made me realize something. I shouldn’t be feeling envious of other expecting mothers, I should just let things fall into place! I am so happy for everyone else and their pregnancies, because that is going to be such a huge change in their lives. What I realized is, I have an amazing husband that I can be selfish with. I get his full attention and we can leave and go on dates, or travel, or do anything we want without having to worry about kids right now. When we have kids, we won’t get this freedom to this extent and so I am going to enjoy every moment of it. I’m not saying being a mother is terrible and makes you house bound or anything, I’m saying that this is God’s way of telling us the time will come, enjoy the moment.
I shared this quote from Elder Neil. L. Andersen on my Instagram awhile back, when we had been trying for a few months. It states, “Motherhood is a calling. It is not a hobby. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” Motherhood is a calling, something God chooses when the time is perfect for you. Don’t be discouraged if you have been trying for a while. I’ve read several places that stressing about pregnancy, will definitely not help in getting pregnant. I advise you not to waste your time on Ovulation apps, been there, done and stressed over that. (or buying countless Ovulation Prediction Kits!)
If you find yourself being surrounded by pregnancies and it becomes too much for you, find ways on how you can cut that out of your life. Unfollow friends who may be making you upset by over sharing their pregnancies, regretfully decline baby showers and send them a gift, or maybe just avoid social media if you are feeling over flooded with pregnancy announcements. Trust me, I understand how hard this is, but just know when the time comes for you, not only will you finally understand what took so long for your dear blessing to come, but also you'll have a better understanding and empathy for those who are continuing to struggle.
My mom struggled with infertility for years, and when she adopted my sister, boom, she got pregnant with me. Obviously I know this isn't always the case, but it seems when you least expect it, God gives you more blessings. God knows the plan before we do, so just keep your trust in him and know his plan will unfold for you in time.
Don’t envy others who are soon-to-be mothers. Because in the end, any new life coming onto this earth is a joyous occasion. Congratulate that friend on Facebook, ask mothers questions for your future reference, and just keep moving forward. Enjoy your time being together with the man in your life, because I’m sure some mothers wish to remember what a quiet house feels like!
How do you deal with everyone else being pregnant, but not you? Stay positive and let it happen when it is meant to happen. For those of you struggling with infertility, my heart and prayers go out to you. I cannot fathom what you are going through, nor am I claiming to be infertile or anything of that sorts. God bless to you all.
Update: The Day we Prayed for