“Finding myself” always seemed like a no brainer. I know who I am, what I like, and what I want. My want career wise, was to be an elementary school teacher. Knowing who I am now, this want has drastically changed, because it is no longer something I like. It has been hard for me to voice this to my husband, let alone my family; simply for the feel of disappointing them.
My loved ones know how I have always dreamed of teaching, but sometime during my first year of college I realized that teaching is not for me. I don’t have the passion or drive for it, and now I am in a state of panic. I never had a backup plan per se, I had one goal and I thought I would reach it. Overtime my drive to teach children began to dim more and more until it diminished thoroughly. Finding myself is now a lot harder than I had imagined. I no longer know what to do as a career and the thought of that makes me feel a sense of panic. The bright side is, there is two options for every obstacle in our lives. One option is we could complain and whine about the particular obstacle in our path and self-wallow about how tough our life is. Or, we can take this obstacle and realize it is there for a reason. In one of my college classes, we were required to watch “The Last Lecture”, and it has still stuck with me. The man who gave this lecture, Randy, had become terminally ill with pancreatic cancer. That alone would make some people question “why me” and spend the last bits of their lives questioning how this could happen to them. But instead, Randy took his situation and shared it with the world and let it be known, he was okay with this. My favorite quote from the lecture is this, “the brick walls are there for a reason. The brick wall are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people”. So, even though this is a transitional time in my life, instead of panicking I need to take this time to realize what it is I want. Sure there is a brick wall in my path, but it is there because it led to a path I no longer need to travel down. I know I am destined for great things, I just don’t know what exactly the great things are. But that’s the thing, being young this is the prime time to find ourselves. You do not need to know exactly what you want, but whatever you do you need to have your full heart into it. I know God put this brick wall here for a reason and even though I haven’t been clued in on it yet, I know with great trust it will happen when He is ready. So, I will continue my journey in finding myself and I will take this with great stride. I want to be happy and passionate about what I am doing and that is what I will continue to search for.